talkingDigital

Being a roving computer guy is like no other profession. This week I have decided to list the top 10 things that make my job strange and wonderful.

10. Everyone wants to be your friend. Sometimes you are even treated like a celebrity and people are afraid to come up to you and ask you a question.

9. You get to hear dozens of apologies each week for cluttered offices. No one believes you when you tell them that clutter is the norm.

8. You meet dozens of dogs and a few cats each week. Dogs love computer guys. Many people have told me, “My dog never is this friendly with anyone!”

7. You are  asked by wives to help monitor husband’s and kids Internet activity and you are asked by husbands how to delete history and cookies.

6. You get to setup brand new computers each week and inhale that new computer smell.

5. You get to explain how problems happened with phrases like, “I told you last time that Norton Antivirus slows down your computer” or “Shady problems come from shady websites.”

4. After working on a computer problem for an hour and using every tool in your software bag to get rid of it, not to mention tweaking dozens of settings, you have to answer the question, “What did you do to fix it?”

3. You get to hear the phrase, “I am a computer illiterate,” “I know nothing about computers,” “I only know enough about computers to get into trouble,” “You know those Computers for Dummies books – those were written for me.” dozens of times each week.

2. You get to see how other people live their digital lives. No two computers or offices are the same and I get many ideas from those that I work for.

1. Job security. I try to never leave a problem partially fixed. I aim to meet every need of every client because I know that I will always be back eventually. Every computer has problems. Every computer user  needs help eventually. I spend my day helping people by fixing their computers. I am a doctor, a mechanic, a librarian and a teacher all crammed into one geek package.

It is time for another episode of “What it’s like to be a computer guy!”

Disclaimer: The following account is a generalization and does not reflect any specific person or problem. This account is not intended to embarrass or upset anyone, it is simply intended to be a look into the world of what it is actually like to be a computer guy.

Scenario: I am running about 20 minutes late to my next appointment. I called 15 minutes ago and said I would be five minutes late.

As I get into my car I decided to use the time between appointments to check my messages.

“You have six new messages… Message 1. ‘Hi this is ________________ and I can’t get anything to print…”

Sounds like something simple that I can diagnose over the phone on the way.

“Press 8 to return this call…”

I press 8.

“We’re sorry this party does not accept unidentified calls, please hang up, enable caller ID and try again.”

This should be quick so I pull over and write the number down and dial. I get back on the road as the phone rings.

“Hello…”

Hi This is Adam the computer guy. You called and said you can’t print anything. Have solved the problem yet?

“No.”

Do you have a quick second to write down some instructions?

At this point I am almost to my appointment.

“Just a second I need to get a pen.”

Short pause.

“OK, I’m back.”

OK, write this down: First, you will need to turn off your computer and your printer.

“OK, just a second…”

No! just write the steps down…. Hello? hello?

“OK, I’m back. It’s shutting down.”

Good. Now, I’m getting ready to go into an appointment so just write these steps down and I will call you back to see if  it  worked when I get done with my appointment.

“OK, it’s off now what?”

Alright, now write this down. Step 2. unplug the cable that connects the printer to the computer.

“My computer doesn’t have one.”

Yes it does.

“No, I’ve never used it.”

Have you printed before?

“Yes, it was printing just fine yesterday.”

What did you print?:

“Some email’s that my daughter sent me.”

OK, then there is definitely a cable connecting your printer to your computer. Do you want to just schedule a time for me to come by? I figured this would go quick but your computer might have some other problems.

“Oh! There’s the cable.”

Good. Now write this down. You are going to unplug that cable.

“OK, just a second *clunk*…”

No just write this down…. Hello? hello? (2 minutes goes by)

“OK it’s disconnected, now what?”

OK, I have to go into my next appointment so just write this down. Step 3.Turn your computer and printer back on.

“OK, just a second I need to find the buttons…”

This goes on for 12 minutes. In the end the problem isn’t fixed, I am nearly an hour late to an appointment and absolutely no notes were taken. And the last sentence before we say goodbye is often the same…

“It didn’t work. Now, tell me what we did so I can try it again before I have you come out for an appointment…”

Windows Vista has really had me thinking lately about the future of computers.

Google, Zoho and others have developed very usable programs that work from any Internet based computer allowing anyone to access fully functional programs and all of their data from any Internet enabled computer anywhere.

USB flash drives and portable hard drives have also taken on abilities that were once only found in stand-alone computers. These drives can now run entire programs allowing you to plug them into any computer and run your programs. Once the device is unplugged all of your data goes with it.

Smartphones, like  the iPhone and Blackberry, have replaced 90 percent of what most users used to need a laptop for. Email, basic web surfing, simple games and calendar management can now be done as easily on a cell phone as an expensive and bulky laptop.

I think that in the next five years computers will exist in one of three forms, and none of these forms resembles what we use today.

1. The credit card computer. The day will come when hundreds of gigabytes will fit on a chip as thin as a credit card and as small as a Tic Tac. As of this moment such a chip can hold over 30 gigabytes.

Perhaps one day we will simply have dumb terminals, computer monitors, keyboards and mice that use a simple network interface to connect to the Internet and devices such as printers, digital cameras and cell phones. These terminals will have no memory or storage abilities.

To use these computers, you will insert a small device that you carry in your wallet, or on your keyring. The dumb terminal will suddenly become your computer as it uses the programs and data from your credit card computer that is with you at all times.

2. The cell  phone computer. This is a variation of the credit card computer, but it  is much more practical.

The iPhone was not the first smartphone to combine computer functions with the portability of a cell phone, but it was the first smartphone to get the average user’s attention.

Devices like the Blackberry, Palm Treo and iPhone do more than the average computer was capable of seven years ago.

As memory, power and features expand in portable cell phones, would it be any surprise if we were able to carry our entire computer in such a small package?

Connect the phone into a similar dumb terminal as discussed in number 1 and you have a computer that works in the office, on the road and at home.

3. The Web 2.0 system. There is a good possibility that many computer users will be too attached to their non-portable desktop systems. There is comfort in having a solid 15lb. tower that connects all of your devices.

It is possible that personal computers may stay physically similar to what they are today for quite a while. However, the software on those systems will dramatically change.

Wireless broadband Internet will almost certainly reach most computer users in the next 10 years. This will lead to  Internet based computers. These computers will have a very plain operating system and limited storage capabilities. Powerful processors and video cards may still be essential for those who do games, graphics and CAD, but all programs and data will be stored in online accounts that can be accessed and used from any computer anywhere.

The debate between Mac and PC users will disappear as the operating system will play little or no role in the function of the computer.

I would not be at all surprised if Google is the driving force behind this type of computing. Especially since they already are the driving force for this type of computing.

No matter what type of computer we use, I think that the obvious end will be that TVs will double as monitors and all computing will be portable.