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Being a roving computer guy is like no other profession. This week I have decided to list the top 10 things that make my job strange and wonderful.

10. Everyone wants to be your friend. Sometimes you are even treated like a celebrity and people are afraid to come up to you and ask you a question.

9. You get to hear dozens of apologies each week for cluttered offices. No one believes you when you tell them that clutter is the norm.

8. You meet dozens of dogs and a few cats each week. Dogs love computer guys. Many people have told me, “My dog never is this friendly with anyone!”

7. You are  asked by wives to help monitor husband’s and kids Internet activity and you are asked by husbands how to delete history and cookies.

6. You get to setup brand new computers each week and inhale that new computer smell.

5. You get to explain how problems happened with phrases like, “I told you last time that Norton Antivirus slows down your computer” or “Shady problems come from shady websites.”

4. After working on a computer problem for an hour and using every tool in your software bag to get rid of it, not to mention tweaking dozens of settings, you have to answer the question, “What did you do to fix it?”

3. You get to hear the phrase, “I am a computer illiterate,” “I know nothing about computers,” “I only know enough about computers to get into trouble,” “You know those Computers for Dummies books – those were written for me.” dozens of times each week.

2. You get to see how other people live their digital lives. No two computers or offices are the same and I get many ideas from those that I work for.

1. Job security. I try to never leave a problem partially fixed. I aim to meet every need of every client because I know that I will always be back eventually. Every computer has problems. Every computer user  needs help eventually. I spend my day helping people by fixing their computers. I am a doctor, a mechanic, a librarian and a teacher all crammed into one geek package.

With all of the great headlines coming from the Pirate Bay trial over the past few weeks, I have really been thinking about how hard it must be for both sides to make their case.

Copying software, music or movies without paying for them is illegal. Anything that is illegal is wrong.

I was at the Goodwill this week and looking through their CD collection this week and it got me to wondering if buying a used CD was technically legal. The artist has collected the royalties from the original sale, but does that make it OK?

Are libraries legal? Every book I read from the library is a book that I will likely never buy. Same goes for magazines. I can go to the library and read any issue of any magazine without having to subscribe. Today most libraries even have music and movies available for checkout.

True, someone has paid for those items, but what about all of the lost sales and royalties from people who borrowed but didn’t buy?

Back to my Goodwill analogy, if I buy a shirt from Goodwill that is still in new or near-new condition, am I stealing royalties from the designer?

If the fact that the library, thrift store or yard sale host has already paid for  these items, doesn’t that weaken case against file sharing and illegal piracy.

If someone pays for a song then gives it to someone else, is that illegal? Yes.

If someone buys a Rolex then lets each of his neighbors wear it on alternating days, is that illegal? No.

If someone buys a fake Rolex, pirated copy of Windows or pirated movie, and they never would have purchased the item otherwise, are royalties lost?

I need to be clear, I am not writing in support of piracy. I am just trying to follow the logic behind the various anti-piracy laws. While it may sound crazy, I also wonder if it will be illegal a few years from now for libraries, thrift stores and yard sales to have certain items for sale.

This week’s article is for all you dial-up Internet users who haven’t moved to broadband because it is too expensive. I am not directing my comments to those who are on dial-up because they live in the toolywads and are not eligible for DSL or Cable Internet.

Broadband Internet is no longer a luxury, it is a necessity and a value for anyone who uses the Internet more than five minutes per day. To illustrate I will explain how broadband Internet can give you half an hour or more to the average day simply by making one single chore easier.

How a dial-up user makes dinner:

1. Take a survey of what’s in the fridge. Ah! Left over chili, garlic, sour cream, and corn tortillas. – 5 minutes.
2. Dig through half a dozen or more recipe books to find a recipe that includes enough of these ingredients to make a pleasant dish. – at least 20 minutes.
3. Try to find a way to keep the recipe book open and a place to set the recipe book while you compile the meal – 10 minutes.

How a broadband user makes dinner:

1. Surveys the fridge as noted above. – 5 minutes.
2. Go to allrecipes.com and foodtv.com and check off a list of ingredients that you have on hand. – 2 minutes.
3. Click the button to search recipes and see results of all 200 recipes that meat your specifications. – 6 seconds.
4. Narrow the search to include something that also has purple onions. – 3 seconds.
5. Print out the recipe as a 3×5 cutout. – 15 seconds.
This process would take over an hour on dial-up Internet waiting for pages to load.

Not only is the broadband connection faster, but it changes how time is spent. Rather than waiting, searching, and trying to find even a simple result for your search, it quickly puts you in the right category and then all of your time is spent using your right brain to choose which result you want to go with.

How a dial-up user programs their TV remote:

1. Dig through drawers looking for the manual. – 20minutes-1 hour.
2. Assuming that the remote is found, look up in index how to program the device.

How a broadband user programs their TV remote:

1. Visit the manufacturer’s website. – 5 seconds.
2. Go to the support section and into the manual downloads. – 10 seconds.
3. Download the manual. – 45 seconds (25 minutes or more on dial-up).
4. Search the manual for “program channels.” – 6 seconds.

Broadband Internet becomes a tool that replaces lost time. Isn’t that worth $5-$10 more per month?

In fact, it is very likely that if you do your homework, you will find that broadband Internet will actually save you money and time.

I went to the funeral of a long time friend last week. Gary, like my dad, was an avid builder of plastic models. He and my dad both belonged to a club made up of other model enthusiasts. I would go with my dad to the club meetings each week, and I also enjoyed the hobby very much.

Building plastic models for me, my dad and everyone else in the Grand Junction Scale Model Society consisted of more than breaking pieces off of the plastic tree and gluing them together with airplane glue.

We built scale miniatures. My dad is one of the best at it. An entire model can take over a year to finish as special after market parts are added, colors are matched and fine details, are painstakingly implemented. What comes in the box is just the skeleton.

Over time I transformed from model builder to computer guy. I still have a closet full of models that I hope to build some day. Deep down I am still a model builder, however my association with those in the model club has transformed from fellow modeler to that of their computer guy.

I now fix computers for many of the guys who have known me since I was six. Gary had also been a client of mine.

When I walked into Gary’s funeral, I sat down in a row with these long time friends who have become my clients. I hadn’t even sat down when a few of them started whispering computer questions too me.

They gave each other a hard time about talking business at a friend’s funeral, but I knew that Gary would have done the same if the tables were turned.

Someone made a comment that being a computer guy is a lot like being a doctor or a lawyer as someone always has a question for you, but I compared it more to being a superhero. I told them, “I didn’t ask for these powers.”

Deep down I am a model builder, a photographer and an observer of politic I don’t know how I became a computer guy. I have more to say about movies, books and art than I ever would devote to computers were it not for how I make my living.

Several times a week I ponder how I became a computer guy. I do it for one reason, I enjoy helping people. The satisfaction that comes from completing a model is wonderful, but it doesn’t equal the satisfaction I feel from helping someone get emails from their kid serving in Iraq.

I hope someday I can return to building models and pursuing my personal interests, but for now humanity needs me to save the world one desktop at a time.