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Funny sounds have been a common complaint lately. In some cases the sounds have been normal system sounds, in a couple of other cases the noises were indicative of worse problems.

There are four catagories of sounds that your computer may make. Knowing these sounds will help you better determine whether big problems are instore for your computer.

Whirring – A whirr can be a completelly normal sound, but it can also indicate other problems are not far way.

The most common whirring sound is caused by leaving a CD or DVD in the drive.  On older machines especially, this can cause the computer to sound like it’s taking off in flight and can even vibrate the platform that the computer is on.

Dangerous whirring can be caused by the computers fans. Often this sound varies in pitch as the computer tries  took keep at safe cool levels. If you hear this type of sound, check all your internal fans (there may be three or more). If a fan dies, it could result in a sudden quick death of your computer due to over heating.

Beeping – Beeping from inside the computers case in normal on startup and sometimes on shutdown, but if your computer doesn’t turn on, system beeps can tell a repairman what is wrong with the computer.

Grinding – A subtle grinding sound is normal. This is the sound of the computer thinking. Newer comptuers are virtually silent, but as they get older, it is common for them to make more noise as they work.

The Bad Sound – The best way to describe the bad sound is to compare it to marbles in a tin can. It sounds like a combination of clunks and rattles. The more it sounds like marbles in a tin can the worse the problem is.

This sound typically indicates pending hard drive failure. This problem is not very expensive to fix, but failure to catch it in time could mean a loss of all data on your system.

The Bad Sound gets its name from what computer guys say when they hear it, “Oh, that’t a bad sound!”

It is time for another episode of “What it’s like to be a computer guy!”

Disclaimer: The following account is a generalization and does not reflect any specific person or problem. This account is not intended to embarrass or upset anyone, it is simply intended to be a look into the world of what it is actually like to be a computer guy.

Scenario: I am running about 20 minutes late to my next appointment. I called 15 minutes ago and said I would be five minutes late.

As I get into my car I decided to use the time between appointments to check my messages.

“You have six new messages… Message 1. ‘Hi this is ________________ and I can’t get anything to print…”

Sounds like something simple that I can diagnose over the phone on the way.

“Press 8 to return this call…”

I press 8.

“We’re sorry this party does not accept unidentified calls, please hang up, enable caller ID and try again.”

This should be quick so I pull over and write the number down and dial. I get back on the road as the phone rings.

“Hello…”

Hi This is Adam the computer guy. You called and said you can’t print anything. Have solved the problem yet?

“No.”

Do you have a quick second to write down some instructions?

At this point I am almost to my appointment.

“Just a second I need to get a pen.”

Short pause.

“OK, I’m back.”

OK, write this down: First, you will need to turn off your computer and your printer.

“OK, just a second…”

No! just write the steps down…. Hello? hello?

“OK, I’m back. It’s shutting down.”

Good. Now, I’m getting ready to go into an appointment so just write these steps down and I will call you back to see if  it  worked when I get done with my appointment.

“OK, it’s off now what?”

Alright, now write this down. Step 2. unplug the cable that connects the printer to the computer.

“My computer doesn’t have one.”

Yes it does.

“No, I’ve never used it.”

Have you printed before?

“Yes, it was printing just fine yesterday.”

What did you print?:

“Some email’s that my daughter sent me.”

OK, then there is definitely a cable connecting your printer to your computer. Do you want to just schedule a time for me to come by? I figured this would go quick but your computer might have some other problems.

“Oh! There’s the cable.”

Good. Now write this down. You are going to unplug that cable.

“OK, just a second *clunk*…”

No just write this down…. Hello? hello? (2 minutes goes by)

“OK it’s disconnected, now what?”

OK, I have to go into my next appointment so just write this down. Step 3.Turn your computer and printer back on.

“OK, just a second I need to find the buttons…”

This goes on for 12 minutes. In the end the problem isn’t fixed, I am nearly an hour late to an appointment and absolutely no notes were taken. And the last sentence before we say goodbye is often the same…

“It didn’t work. Now, tell me what we did so I can try it again before I have you come out for an appointment…”

I have thought a lot lately about writing a book about computers. I won’t do it, of course, but I have thought a lot about it.

My computer book wouldn’t be about how to use a computer or how to buy a computer It would be made up of short essays and articles centered around how computers impact our lives in ways we never expected.

I would include articles I have written about how being a computer guy with regular clients is not a far stretch from being a doctor or therapist with regular patience. You may think that my patients are the computers that I work on each day, but what I do has more to do with helping people than with helping machines.

I received a call the other day from a client I have been working with for five years. His call was short, “Adam, I just want you to know that I am going into an operation tomorrow. They found a hemorrhage in my brain and they need to work on it. In case I don’t make it I need to make sure you know how to show my wife where the important stuff is in the computer.”

He came out of it just fine and I have already seen him a couple of times since the surgery, but I doubt many repair men get a call from their customers explaining that they may be leaving the earth and it is up to them to make sure that those surviving members of the family can find the Thanksgiving turkey in the bottom of the freezer.

Intimate is not a word I would have associated with the job of being a computer guy before I started this, but over the years, I have helped families stay in touch with their sons and daughters serving over seas, I have helped mothers discover what their teenage sons have been looking at on the computer, I have even helped seniors setup online personal ads for dating sites.

Strange and uncomfortable as these things may seem, they are not unusual at all for me. My job isn’t centered around repairing computers, I believe that computers are a tool and the more uses we find for them, the richer our lives can be.

The point of a computer is to use it in ways that free up more time so you don’t have to be around the computer as much. Every aspect of  life has elements that are boring and mundane and elements that we love and live for. If a computer can do the former, we can devote more effort to the latter.

I went to the funeral of a long time friend last week. Gary, like my dad, was an avid builder of plastic models. He and my dad both belonged to a club made up of other model enthusiasts. I would go with my dad to the club meetings each week, and I also enjoyed the hobby very much.

Building plastic models for me, my dad and everyone else in the Grand Junction Scale Model Society consisted of more than breaking pieces off of the plastic tree and gluing them together with airplane glue.

We built scale miniatures. My dad is one of the best at it. An entire model can take over a year to finish as special after market parts are added, colors are matched and fine details, are painstakingly implemented. What comes in the box is just the skeleton.

Over time I transformed from model builder to computer guy. I still have a closet full of models that I hope to build some day. Deep down I am still a model builder, however my association with those in the model club has transformed from fellow modeler to that of their computer guy.

I now fix computers for many of the guys who have known me since I was six. Gary had also been a client of mine.

When I walked into Gary’s funeral, I sat down in a row with these long time friends who have become my clients. I hadn’t even sat down when a few of them started whispering computer questions too me.

They gave each other a hard time about talking business at a friend’s funeral, but I knew that Gary would have done the same if the tables were turned.

Someone made a comment that being a computer guy is a lot like being a doctor or a lawyer as someone always has a question for you, but I compared it more to being a superhero. I told them, “I didn’t ask for these powers.”

Deep down I am a model builder, a photographer and an observer of politic I don’t know how I became a computer guy. I have more to say about movies, books and art than I ever would devote to computers were it not for how I make my living.

Several times a week I ponder how I became a computer guy. I do it for one reason, I enjoy helping people. The satisfaction that comes from completing a model is wonderful, but it doesn’t equal the satisfaction I feel from helping someone get emails from their kid serving in Iraq.

I hope someday I can return to building models and pursuing my personal interests, but for now humanity needs me to save the world one desktop at a time.

This week’s article is for all you old people. I am not writing to the seasoned citizens, senior citizens, the young at heart or boomers. I am writing this article to the people who know they are old. They prefer to be called old because they feel they have earned the title. Anyone who prefers to be called something other than old, is not truly an old person.

Every week, I get told by people of various ages, “I’m too old to learn this stuff.” Sometimes these people are 40 and sometimes they are 90, the actual age doesn’t matter.

No matter how old someone is, it is my observation that no one actually turns old until they give their consent. I have a 98 year old client who I have tutored for several months. I never need to write anything down. I just show her one time how to do something and she locks it away.

I have a 50+ year old client who has 10 pages of notes on how to send an email and he constantly tells me that if he doesn’t write down every detail his old brain will forget it. Essentially all aging people fit into one of two roles portrayed in the movie Grumpy Old Men. They are either Walter Matheu old or Jack Lemon old.

Whether you are an old person who longs to be young again or you are an aging person who seeks to retain youth, there are a few tools that will help.

Creams, exercise, prescription drugs and romance will all help keep you young, but there is one characteristic that all young people have in common…they all love gadgets. That’s right, The fountain of youth is not found in cosmetics, clothing or drugs. Using gadgets is the only thing that will keep your mind and soul young and active.

Here is a list of the best gadgets that I think all old people should learn to use if they want to age backwards.

1. GameBoy with Brain Age – www.brainage.com – The GameBoy is a video game system that you can take anywhere. While there are many fun games that kids can play, there is one game for the GameBoy that has been proven to take years off of your “Brain Age.” Brain Age is a game full of puzzles that test your mental reflexes and require little dexterity. Hospitals and homes for the aging have adopted the Brain Age game to help their patients and clients retain their mental faculties.

2. Palm device or Treo smart phone with Palm OS – www.Palm.com – It is important here that you get a device with the Palm OS and not Windows Mobile.

A Palm is a device that you use to track your appointments, addresses, alarms, medications, shopping lists, games, and even music and videos. It may seem like using such a device would decrease your memory and mental functions, in reality learning how to use and depend on a Palm PDA will open new worlds and capabilities that you are always been afraid to attempt before.

3. Digital Camera – Go buy any name brand digital camera and start using it right away. Not only will this give you a new hobby over night, it is extremely cheap as you don’t have to use film or make prints. Just have fun taking pictures.

4. Nintendo Wii – This is another video game system but it isn’t the shoot-em-up type game system that the youngsters play. The Wii uses motion control and the games are simple. Bowling, golf, baseball and boxing are a few of the more simple games that come in the box. You can add more games if you want, but the provided games will have you hooked right away. Recent studies show that 20 minutes of playing Wii sports games nearly equals 1 hour of walking. There is a great article on the popularity of the Wii with older folks here:

http://tech.yahoo.com/blogs/samiljan/5868

5. An iPod or other MP3 player – If you enjoy reading or music, this is the perfect gadget to start with. All you need is a computer. An

MP3 player is similar to a portable Walkman or cassette player but instead of playing music from tapes or CDs the music is stored on a tiny computer inside the device. Rather than hold an hour or so of music, MP3 players hold hundreds or thousands of hours of music.

Using services like Audible.com or borrowing CDs from the library you can copy audio books, music, or spoken word to the device and listen to it anywhere you go.