Archive for the ‘humor’Category

Another episode of: What it’s like to be a computer guy

It is time for another episode of “What it’s like to be a computer guy!”

Disclaimer: The following account is a generalization and does not reflect any specific person or problem. This account is not intended to embarrass or upset anyone, it is simply intended to be a look into the world of what it is actually like to be a computer guy.

Scenario: I am running about 20 minutes late to my next appointment. I called 15 minutes ago and said I would be five minutes late.

As I get into my car I decided to use the time between appointments to check my messages.

“You have six new messages… Message 1. ‘Hi this is ________________ and I can’t get anything to print…”

Sounds like something simple that I can diagnose over the phone on the way.

“Press 8 to return this call…”

I press 8.

“We’re sorry this party does not accept unidentified calls, please hang up, enable caller ID and try again.”

This should be quick so I pull over and write the number down and dial. I get back on the road as the phone rings.

“Hello…”

Hi This is Adam the computer guy. You called and said you can’t print anything. Have solved the problem yet?

“No.”

Do you have a quick second to write down some instructions?

At this point I am almost to my appointment.

“Just a second I need to get a pen.”

Short pause.

“OK, I’m back.”

OK, write this down: First, you will need to turn off your computer and your printer.

“OK, just a second…”

No! just write the steps down…. Hello? hello?

“OK, I’m back. It’s shutting down.”

Good. Now, I’m getting ready to go into an appointment so just write these steps down and I will call you back to see if  it  worked when I get done with my appointment.

“OK, it’s off now what?”

Alright, now write this down. Step 2. unplug the cable that connects the printer to the computer.

“My computer doesn’t have one.”

Yes it does.

“No, I’ve never used it.”

Have you printed before?

“Yes, it was printing just fine yesterday.”

What did you print?:

“Some email’s that my daughter sent me.”

OK, then there is definitely a cable connecting your printer to your computer. Do you want to just schedule a time for me to come by? I figured this would go quick but your computer might have some other problems.

“Oh! There’s the cable.”

Good. Now write this down. You are going to unplug that cable.

“OK, just a second *clunk*…”

No just write this down…. Hello? hello? (2 minutes goes by)

“OK it’s disconnected, now what?”

OK, I have to go into my next appointment so just write this down. Step 3.Turn your computer and printer back on.

“OK, just a second I need to find the buttons…”

This goes on for 12 minutes. In the end the problem isn’t fixed, I am nearly an hour late to an appointment and absolutely no notes were taken. And the last sentence before we say goodbye is often the same…

“It didn’t work. Now, tell me what we did so I can try it again before I have you come out for an appointment…”

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02

03 2009

Hey old people, read this before you decide you hate technology

This week’s article is for all you old people. I am not writing to the seasoned citizens, senior citizens, the young at heart or boomers. I am writing this article to the people who know they are old. They prefer to be called old because they feel they have earned the title. Anyone who prefers to be called something other than old, is not truly an old person.

Every week, I get told by people of various ages, “I’m too old to learn this stuff.” Sometimes these people are 40 and sometimes they are 90, the actual age doesn’t matter.

No matter how old someone is, it is my observation that no one actually turns old until they give their consent. I have a 98 year old client who I have tutored for several months. I never need to write anything down. I just show her one time how to do something and she locks it away.

I have a 50+ year old client who has 10 pages of notes on how to send an email and he constantly tells me that if he doesn’t write down every detail his old brain will forget it. Essentially all aging people fit into one of two roles portrayed in the movie Grumpy Old Men. They are either Walter Matheu old or Jack Lemon old.

Whether you are an old person who longs to be young again or you are an aging person who seeks to retain youth, there are a few tools that will help.

Creams, exercise, prescription drugs and romance will all help keep you young, but there is one characteristic that all young people have in common…they all love gadgets. That’s right, The fountain of youth is not found in cosmetics, clothing or drugs. Using gadgets is the only thing that will keep your mind and soul young and active.

Here is a list of the best gadgets that I think all old people should learn to use if they want to age backwards.

1. GameBoy with Brain Age – www.brainage.com – The GameBoy is a video game system that you can take anywhere. While there are many fun games that kids can play, there is one game for the GameBoy that has been proven to take years off of your “Brain Age.” Brain Age is a game full of puzzles that test your mental reflexes and require little dexterity. Hospitals and homes for the aging have adopted the Brain Age game to help their patients and clients retain their mental faculties.

2. Palm device or Treo smart phone with Palm OS – www.Palm.com – It is important here that you get a device with the Palm OS and not Windows Mobile.

A Palm is a device that you use to track your appointments, addresses, alarms, medications, shopping lists, games, and even music and videos. It may seem like using such a device would decrease your memory and mental functions, in reality learning how to use and depend on a Palm PDA will open new worlds and capabilities that you are always been afraid to attempt before.

3. Digital Camera – Go buy any name brand digital camera and start using it right away. Not only will this give you a new hobby over night, it is extremely cheap as you don’t have to use film or make prints. Just have fun taking pictures.

4. Nintendo Wii – This is another video game system but it isn’t the shoot-em-up type game system that the youngsters play. The Wii uses motion control and the games are simple. Bowling, golf, baseball and boxing are a few of the more simple games that come in the box. You can add more games if you want, but the provided games will have you hooked right away. Recent studies show that 20 minutes of playing Wii sports games nearly equals 1 hour of walking. There is a great article on the popularity of the Wii with older folks here:

http://tech.yahoo.com/blogs/samiljan/5868

5. An iPod or other MP3 player – If you enjoy reading or music, this is the perfect gadget to start with. All you need is a computer. An

MP3 player is similar to a portable Walkman or cassette player but instead of playing music from tapes or CDs the music is stored on a tiny computer inside the device. Rather than hold an hour or so of music, MP3 players hold hundreds or thousands of hours of music.

Using services like Audible.com or borrowing CDs from the library you can copy audio books, music, or spoken word to the device and listen to it anywhere you go.